Stop Shaming Moms Who Miscarry

When I read Hilaria Baldwin’s instagram post about her miscarriage, I was shocked at her vulnerability. To share such a sensitive side of her life so openly is brave.

It’s brave to be open about such a painful experience in her life.

It’s brave to post on a public forum that she needs support through a trying time.

It’s brave that she has to go through this loss at all.

But why should it require bravery for her to seek support? Why isn’t supporting someone through such an event an innate, human response? Why shouldn’t women feel that they are warranted some semblance of empathy? A miscarriage itself is painful enough.

These women deserve better.

I was shocked to see that many of the comments were negative. Some even from women who had experienced miscarriages themselves. I was so angry at those women. I wanted to scream at them for not supporting someone who had experienced the same thing– don’t you know the heartache she feels? Don’t you know the sense of loss? Why make it harder for her?

I realized then why they lashed out so forcefully. They still experience the suffering. These women did not receive the love and support they needed. So, they shout their anger through the rooftops and take it out on those who seek support in different ways.

And I felt so sad. I felt so sad that women seem to have no allies throughout this process. Miscarriage is raw and harsh. It is painful. Women do not forget that it happens to them. It stays with them, even when others forget.

So, it’s up to us to support them. It’s our job, as family members, as friends, as wives, as husbands, as siblings, as people. It’s our job to hear them when they are ready to be heard. We must support them. How dare we ever bring them down.

To any woman who has experienced a miscarriage: you are not alone. You have support. This is not your fault. You should be allowed to feel what you feel, and that feeling should not be shame.

You have allies, my friends. Your pain is our pain. Your loss is our loss. You are beautiful and we hear you however long you need us.

For ways to support those who miscarry, visit https://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-loss/supporting-others/.