Things Not To Say To A Mom

I was having a long, wonderful conversation with my friend, writer of Raw Uncensored Mom  , (someone you should totally follow, by the way) about the ridiculously crazy things people think it’s okay to say to a mom. Let’s discuss:

1. When’s number two (or three, or whatever number you’re on) going to be here?

Stop. Asking. This. Question. I’m just starting to get my body back after a long time of struggling to stay fit. When my husband and I decide to have another baby, you’ll be the first to know. Actually, you won’t because it doesn’t concern you. The growth of my family is up to us. Please please leave me alone.

2. Are you (still) breastfeeding?

Perhaps this one is my fault. Perhaps the fact that I have an extraordinarily nice chest opens the invitation for others to ask about what I’m doing with them. Even so, let’s back off of this one. Once again, whether or not I breastfeed ever is really the mother’s concern. Fed is best. My daughter, the little chunky thing, is obviously fed. Does it matter if it’s formula, breastmilk, or pizza? I mean, yes, stop me if I’m just feeding her pizza, but please stop being so intrusive.

3. Why aren’t you doing (insert any unsolicited advice)

As a new mom, I welcome advice…to a point. If you’re a stranger or if I haven’t asked for your opinion, please don’t give me unsolicited advice. It’s just that—unsolicited. Look, if my daughter is in physical danger because I’ve forgotten to buckle her car seat, step in. But if you don’t think I should be feeding her non-organic cucumbers from the grocery store and you want to recommend local, organic produce which costs three times as much, I’m really not that interested. Props to you mom for going the extra mile, but please leave me alone.

4. You just seem so tired all the time.

Yup. I am. If I look and seem tired, I probably am because I’m a mom. Why do you feel the need to point that I look or seem tired? I know that I look and seem tired. How comfortable do you feel when I stare at you, eyes wide while I slowly nod and say, “Yes, yes I am.” Does it make you feel dumb? I hope it makes you feel dumb.

Why do you think I look tired? Maybe because my child woke up in the middle of the night having had an accident in the bed so we had to bathe her. Maybe because I don’t sleep because I constantly think I hear a crying baby. Maybe because I work all day and come home to a wonderful child who needs and deserves attention. Yes. I’m tired. Stop bringing attention to it.

Insert my husband: Obviously.

5. You look really good for having recently had a baby.

I took this from Raw Uncensored Mom, but I really wanted to touch on this one. Why can’t you just say I look nice? Why do you have to say “for having recently had a baby?” That’s like saying, “You throw really well for a girl.” No, ass, I throw really well all the time. Just like I’m pretty. All. Of. The. Time. You really don’t need to have a follow up, compliments are really nice for moms. We crave it. Maybe I’m projecting so I’ll switch to “I”. I love attention and compliments without the addition. Just tell me I’m pretty and I’ll love you forever.

These are just a few of the ones that have popped into my head after my lovely discussion with Melissa. What are some things you hate being told as a mom?

Also, Raw Uncensored Mom and I have some VERY exciting news: we will be starting a podcast called Raw Uncensored Horrible Moms! As soon as we have our episodes up and running, I’ll link y’all to a page. We can’t wait for you to hear our lovely voices!